AFR

Let's say all the things you used to struggle with and is still struggling with vanishes. Would you then be truly satisfied, or would that only open doors for more needs? Or, would that teach you that nothing could ever be enough?

Some things I wish I never struggle with. And someone should not have made a mistake that I am now paying for, though it is, by all means, no fault of mine.






Two nights ago was the night I grew. Yet again, it was without you, but I'm getting used to it.



No more anger, frustration, and rejection.

ARghhhh

I'm not sure why I always have to do this. Lol.

Its my first day attaching and I anti - socially said no to another invitation to lunch. By a very very, good looking lawyer. And he looked at me puzzled, must be thinking what kind of weird girl is this... I did the same thing last year!! Without even thinking too, hmmm....

Anyway, I've been meaning to post sooner and more frequently, with pictures, pictures!! But been internet deprived again so abit hard.






I hope I get to go to court this Friday.





I saw that lawyer going out for a while to pack food then coming back up to his office to eat alone. Whoops.

Now That

Now that holidays are here... I know I'm in for a time busier than when I had classes, ahh....

Not too long ago, I was working so hard I thought, honestly, that I deserve a break. A good one. During those times you may have read of some of my accounts of my hectic schedule and how hard it was to find time to breathe, to have a day to wake up to where the first thing that crosses your mind is not already pre - punishing yourself for being late to wake up even without first checking the time. And the first thing you have to do is not bathe and get dressed.

I'm the type who cannot go on and on headlessly and aimlessly in doing things, continually. If I don't see the end from the beginning, or have no purpose through it all, I won't even start to do it in the first place. I'm not boring as a person but I rarely throw myself ( at least, not if I had the choice anyway) into situations without first deliberating, however little. Often I'm slow to give definite answers unless I'm so dead sure about something, and that makes me feel very selfish sometimes. I'd like to be more spontaneous than I currently am but I'm often forced to hold back and give over - cautious answers with no strings attached (at least, none that others can hold me liable for) which does NOT reflect what I actually really want because of limitations in finance and mobility. It makes me seem like I don't or won't wanna do many things but its not true.

On the other hand if I had no strings attached and unlimited resources (and I mean reasonably unlimited) I AM the type who will jump at the chance of spontaneously to Fiji or bring my loved ones to Paris just for dinner. I AM thrilled at the idea of bungee jumping and orthodoxly, at the idea of reading the most ancient law scriptings of all times, though I may not understand it. Lol. Classic I tell you. I WILL do crazily risky things before and during exams when I have everything to lose if I don't make it through.

So, I'm cautious but excitable. I have too many commitments and responsiblities, arguments and disagreements with people who are either totally unopiniated and/or over opiniated for my own good.

I'm very smart to most people but very stupid to others. And that leaves me no where but who cares?

And then I thought, heck, what makes me think I should have a break when things still need to be done and the world still goes round. Routine or passion, either way it takes effort. I might as well start enjoying what I do rather than look for long breaks then fool myself into believing that I will come back refreshed (but actually always come back more tired and difficult to start all over again). The more I look forward to one the more it seems squeezed away from me. ANd CM was right. He didn't even have to ask me what I was talking about but it was as if he knew head on. Nope, it won't ever stop.

So to all the OTKs (orang tanpa kereta)and financially - challenged people, like me, don't l ose heart. If you share my irrational refusal to be confined by circumstances and strong reprehension for reacting for reacting to circumstances rather than controlling them, I encourage you not to rebel or do stupid things but to remain respectful of authorities o rdained by Him and His Kingdom coz it only shows how capable we are bu His strength. Constrained and restricted as we feel, keep that dream alive despite immense, immense, immense differing opinions or even disapprovals from over - opiniated or opinionless people (either way, yes another oxy moron) coz its places there for a reason. If you don;t already have patience, you need to start fooling yourself into believing you have it and then start to act on it so that it remains a fool no more.

I for one, am (probably) called to do something most people will not dare to attempt in future, and I'm not talking about my future profession.







So hail all pressure and unconstructive negative remarks.

They are at MY disposal.

Light

And there shall be. No More Sports Bar. Thank you alllllllllll for being there despite the exhaustion and other desperate measures to de-stress ourselves lol.

Pool yes but as un-sporting as I seem by chickening out, I'm so sorry, all of you who were there, I just couldn't =( What was done there was really beyond me, swt.






















I couldn't bring myself to stand on the barrel.









On THAT barrrel.

Its Over

Its finally over! I'm so, so relieved.

I think my papers were hard. Or maybe I just didn't study enough, bleh. Me and a few other friends were pretty lucky in some ways.

The risky thing I attempted to do as I was telling some people was that I studied a totally new chapter which my lecturer never taught two days before the paper and then went in and sat for it, forgetting my statute book - for the first time. It was a chapter the lecturer frm London went through ONCE with us when she came down and every year from around the world the number of students who attempt it is single digit. She encourage us to do it anyway. When I told my classmates they were like errrrr okay. And when they knew I forgot my statute book :

Friend : Oh shit, how now?

Me : Er, nvm nvm no time to panic now I think I can remember just go sit for it, I can't go back and take

Lol. My God I pray I find favour in the eyes of the examiners, I feel what I did was risky.

Today my day is swamped my kids and kids and kids.


And some of the random things a friend told me while we were out celebrating in the midst of exam (we do this every year without fail. Its like it doesn't tally - we feel so strssed out but we drove around eating like kings and finding every excuse to party, of course other than the fact that our friend is and always will be, worth celebrating =D and then come back around midnight study through the night either we don't sleep at all or sleep fifteen minutes then next morn damn early paper then after paper go makan muahahaaaa)

is

Jo if I'm a lesbian you better watch out you'll probably be my target.

And me

Wah I'm taking that as a compliment!




HEHEHEEEEEEEEE.




We're all so, so knocked out.


Now I shall crack my head to pick a law firm and make peanuts or work somewhere else do soomething totally unrelated and earn so much more.


There is a very very pressing phone call that I need to make which could very well determine my future, or at least, a very big part of it.












Guess the pressure never ends ;)

Much Awaited

Ta Yi, these are for your viewing as mom asked.

Very Soon

I'll be able to put up long long proper posts with nice nice pictures for you all to see. Just a lil while more. But right now I'm attempting to do something very risky. Very very risky. And I don't know if I can make it but strategically and chronologically, its the best option.

Covet your prayers.

You Need To Last

Long weeks ahead.








Long.....................

You Think?

Prior to the exams I've been faced with convenient break downs of people around me and a fair share of discouragements and brokeness. Many of them which, till now, I can't remedy them contrary to what most people think. I have many expectations not met, many things I have to pick the pieces up myself. ONE OF THEM IS - To date, I still don't know how to differentiate between lend and borrow. If I do get it right, its only by chance. Until recently, I used to spell convenience as convinience and often got frustrated at why my phone dictionary couldn't spell it. I thought it lost its memory swt. I also don't know whats a noun and a verb, probably only know how to use them lol.

I know of alot of people who have alot of potential in them but live to regret it when they don't use it to the fullest as they age. And I'm scared if that should happen to me, if there's one thing I don't wanna live in, its in regret and remorse. =(

Its like what Dr Bailey said in Grey's Anatomy, doctors will be holding ten different types of blades without knowing what to do with them without sound judgements, and since in law words are the tools of trade, it doesn't help that I can't discern lend and borrow, or a noun from a verb *sobs* much less what sound sound judgements are.

I tried! I can't!!

Invincibility Not

Even the greatest of us fall.





Nothing compares, nothing at all.